Fifty Shades of Grey - a confession

Ok, it's best to be honest about it from the start. Despite my sniping, cynicism and earlier blogs, as soon as I discovered that EL James lives locally in Brentford and that her son is at Laura's school, I had to read the porno sensation that is Fifty Shades of Grey. What's more, I now learn that very many of my friends (nameless of course) have read it.

What is there left to say? Well, everyone knows that there is no sex until about a third of the way through the book but that the second two thirds certainly make up for it. And everyone knows that it is not a literary masterpiece (I'm trying hard to be polite here); I lost count of the number of times the heroine refers to her "inner goddess" but it is irritating on each and every occasion. And everyone knows that it is the fastest selling paperback of all time and that Kindle downloads are massive (last week one electrical retailer held Fifty Shades responsible for a 71% increase in Kindle sales). And now the Sunday papers tell us that the book is responsible for a massive increase in the sale of sex toys, including a "beginners bondage kit"- yours for £17. We are told that sales of nipple clamps are up by 330%, riding crops by 200% and jiggle balls - read the book if you don't know - by 653%. Indeed, the first hit (excuse the pun) I got when googling the title of the book was to sextoys.co.uk followed, unintentionally I imagine, by sainsburysentertainment.co.uk although I don't think you'll find nipple clamps on the supermarket shelves.

However, my favourite reflection in the Sundays on this topic concerns the speculation about who will play the leads in the film (the content of the film itself is mind-boggling). Whilst Michael Fassbender and Scarlett Johansson might seem likely contenders in Hollywood, I prefer the quirky British dream team of Benedict Cumberbatch and Miranda Hart: "such fun!"